Both/And

It's not that much of an exaggeration to say that flying into LaGuardia this week was an out of body experience. It was surreal to hold two identities in my awareness at once. Because I recently fulfilled a life long dream of living and working in NYC (with a NYC drivers license to prove it), I am both from here and not from here. I am both coming home and visiting.

Walt Whitman's Song of Myself comes to mind: "Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. (I am large, I contain multitudes.)"

The occasion of my being here in NYC is work. I have had the distinct privilege of facilitating team offsite for a dedicated of People Leadership Team (aka Human Resources Execs; aka PLT) from an  ambitious tech firm. The experience was very meta for all involved. As a group of leaders responsible for championing employee engagement, leadership development, talent planning, and all the other people-focused initiatives you can think of - this earnest group struggled to stay focused on themselves for more that ten minutes at a stretch.

Our shared goals for the day were:  building relationships; fostering alignment across the PLT; crystalizing purpose; and co-creating agreements on how they were going to support one another in their leadership of the function. It was bizarrely (and understandably) challenging for them to stay focused on their own team. At every turn, they wanted to apply what they were learning, discerning and illuminating to the extended teams they are responsible for. It was if they could not get out of the role of "purveyor of wisdom and expertise" to absorb and metabolize their own advice for their own team benefit.

From a facilitator standpoint, it was a day of drawing distinctions for the sole purpose of exploring range - and ultimately illuminating that those distinctions aren't necessarily contradictions. What is the difference between having influence and being order takers? How are we perceived today vs. where we want to be perceived tomorrow? Where is the line between resilience and burn out?

These distinctions are designed to highlights the extremes on either end. To flesh out the gap between where were are and where we want to be.  For example: Today we are perceived as [insert negative and unhelpful attributes here]; while tomorrow we want to be known for [insert world-changing superpowers here]. But when we stop and slow this down, we start to understand that there are positive and challenging attributes now, just as there will be puts and takes once we achieve our ultimate brand identity.

The fact of the matter is that most of these answers end up along a continuum - they don't neatly fit on one end or the other of the scale. Any complex system (including the complex individuals that comprise those systems) has a full spectrum of attributes, qualities and dimensions that almost never fit neatly into one category or other.

When we are either/or, we end up dealing in extremes and risk suffering "baby with the bathwater" syndrome. We reinvent, rework, and waste cycles if we don't retain the positive attributes on the range. We miss the opportunity to "refine" instead of "re-do."

Two things can be true at once. And when we can hold them both, we are better for it. We are both/and. The more we make space for our range, the more we can deemphasize the less beneficial reactions and the more we can encourage the responses that are helpful.

The reality is that this particular PLT is both criticized and celebrated today. The People Team writ large is both transactional and strategic today. As advisors to the business and leaders of their own function, this PLT is both purveyor and recipient of its wisdom.

I am both from New York City and I am a visitor.  Being both provides a much more rich and vibrant curiosity and perspective that I simply wouldn't have if had to inhabit either one or the other. I contain multitudes. 

How could holding two things to be true help you in your leadership? What friction can you ease? Where can you encourage more both/and in your teams?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!